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Proteges

From time to time, I am contacted by people seeking guidance on applying the principles of the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix. I am always glad to help.

Recently, two young men who are freshmen at Auburn University called me with two questions. Owen and Trevor posed these questions:
1. Is there a name for a 10 Hot / 10 Crazy, and what do we know about these girls?
2. We met a girl who is super cool, and really hot, but she keeps going back to her ex-boyfriend. What’s up with that?

I had the following answers:

As to the 10 Hot, 10 Crazy, this is the category “TOP RIGHT CORNER.” Data plotting within 1 to 1.5 points of TOP RIGHT CORNER is extraordinarily difficult because there is a very, very high instability of the subject in this area. I recommend that all data points plotted within 1 point of TOP RIGHT CORNER be viewed with skepticism and caution. Also, I suggest more regular data plotting to attempt to offset the inherent instability of TOP RIGHT CORNER subjects. Above all, caution is urged. TOP RIGHT CORNER is not a place for amateurs, gentlemen. One wrong move there can change your life forever.

Turning to the second inquiry, these bright young men are to be credited with great enthusiasm. However, I advised them that the subjects of “ex-boyfriends,” “ex-husbands” and “daddy issues” are all covered in Advanced Matrix because these topics require a third axis. Only students who have at least a 3.25 in Introduction to Matrix are invited to enroll in Advanced Matrix. If you cannot demonstrate excellence in navigating your first semester at Auburn University with the Basic Matrix, I simply cannot allow you to take a seat in Advanced Matrix. They understood and promised to work very hard this semester and report back to me on their efforts.

I commend Trevor and Owen for their intellectual curiosity. It is always refreshing to see today’s youth embark on a journey of lifelong learning. If I can ever be of service to you, young or old, please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Remember, “it’s science."

Fall Sports Bundle

Ok, it’s that time of year, and it’s a great time of year. Playoff baseball is upon us, college football has already delivered some instant classics, and the NFL is cranking up for what should be a great season. The brutal heat of summer has broken in most parts of the country, and in other places it’s already chilly overnight. Biology is sending you to the Man Cave for the next several months. But you can’t just go hunker down in the Man Cave without some preparations, some planning. We’ve got you covered.  Our Fall Sports Bundle is just the ticket.

 You get a Hot Crazy Matrix poster for your man cave, useful for plotting data points as necessary. You get a Unicorn Search & Rescue Team koozie for your beverages, I feel sure we don’t need to explain that one. And, as a preemptive apology from you for the neglect your unicorn will inevitably feel as fall sports get into full swing, your girl gets a “Certified Unicorn” t shirt. Guys, I’m telling you if you give your girl a Certified Unicorn shirt you will not be sorry. It’s a belt high fastball on a 3-0 count - if you don’t hit it hard that’s on you, friend. Get her the shirt, thank us later.

 

Bought separately, this would run you $35. But we’re cool, and we want you to have what you need for a great fall sports season, so for a limited time we are willing to let you have all three for $27 plus shipping. 

What A Year This Has Been

Posted July 28, 2015

We debuted the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix on July 21, 2014....